The Three C’s of Al-anon explain that the family members didn’t cause the addiction, can’t control it and can’t cure it. The following information provides guidance for what we can do, which is more significant than what we cannot do.
1. I come to understand that I didn’t cause the addiction.
2. I come to realize that I can’t control my loved one or their addictive behaviors.
3. I come to accept that I can’t cure the addiction. However . . .
4. I can become aware of the challenges of addiction and the recovery process involved (length of time, slips, relapses, how the brain heals, etc.).(See Appendix 7: “Recovery, Slips and Relapses)
5. I can come to recognize that the recovery process of those in addiction is their choice and responsibility.
6. I can choose to avoid continually focusing on my loved one’s recovery journey because this focus can hinder my own healing journey.
7. I can learn to let go of my negative emotions and efforts to control, rescue, or shame so that I will quit harming myself and others around me through destructive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
8. I can come to accept that it is my responsibility with the help of my Father in Heaven to discover what I need to do to heal and recover.
9. I can avoid setting expectations about the future that negatively influence my emotional and spiritual health.
10. I can establish healthy boundaries to keep myself spiritually, emotionally and physically safe.
11. I can seek guidance from the Lord for myself, trust His will, and follow His plan for me.
12. I can receive the comforting assurance that “The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength” (Ps. 18: 2) and my true source of hope, healing and peace. I need not fear the future.