Website - Fight the New Drug, Educating on the Harmful Effects of Pornography

I learned about this great website from a friend on Facebook.  Looks like a great one!  I am a big believer in the damage and chaos that come from pornography and have seen it destroy individuals, marriages, and families.  I applaud this group for fighting the good fight and helping people overcome the destructive affects of this "new drug."  Almost every family I know has been affected by pornography addiction in some way.  They say there is a Pornography Pandemic but people are afraid to discuss this "taboo" topic.  Let's expose this problem and fight it face on.

Here's the pledge that people can sign on their website:

"Now is the time for me to stand and help others overcome that which has affected my family, my friends and my community.  I will avoid exposure to this powerful drug called pornography.  I will be a source of strength to those who need support and accept help when I am in need.  I will be a voice of reason among the clatter of self serving opinion.  Too many have suffered.  Too many have sacrificed.  I must be open about a topic no one wants to discuss."

Click HERE to read about the harmful effect of porn.

If you are addicted to pornography or have a loved one who is struggling, there is hope.

Youth Talk - Strength of Youth

Hello my name is Benny and I have been asked to speak from the Strength of youth Pamphlet. I chose to speak on Physical and Emotional Health. In Doctrine in Covenants Section 89:18-19 it says: All saints who remember to keep and do these sayings shall receive health in the navel and marrow to the bones; and shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge. 

As you know I like to play football. If I don’t eat right, get enough sleep, and practice I will not be my best on the field. I get lots of exercise each week with my practices. This is a good way to stay physically fit. If I eat too much it makes me sick to my stomach and I don’t play well. If I don’t get enough sleep and rest I am cranky and I can’t run fast enough or remember the plays.  We should avoid things that are addictive like coffee, tea, alcohol, and drugs. Being under the influence if these things can weaken our judgments and self-control. These addictions harm our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Addictions can damage relationships with family and friends. It is hard to make good choices when we are doing what is wrong.

I can be a good football player if I stay away from addictions, and take care of my body, I need to get plenty of rest, eat good foods and practice. Last but not least I need to pray to my Heavenly Father so he can guide me. I love playing football and I am thankful that my Heavenly Father has given me this gift.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ and Amen.

Didn't Cause It, Can't Control It, Can't Cure It

The Three C’s of Al-anon explain that the family members didn’t cause the addiction, can’t control it and can’t cure it. The following information provides guidance for what we can do, which is more significant than what we cannot do.

1. I come to understand that I didn’t cause the addiction.
2. I come to realize that I can’t control my loved one or their addictive behaviors.
3. I come to accept that I can’t cure the addiction. However . . .
4. I can become aware of the challenges of addiction and the recovery process involved (length of time, slips, relapses, how the brain heals, etc.).(See Appendix 7: “Recovery, Slips and Relapses)
5. I can come to recognize that the recovery process of those in addiction is their choice and responsibility.
6. I can choose to avoid continually focusing on my loved one’s recovery journey because this focus can hinder my own healing journey.
7. I can learn to let go of my negative emotions and efforts to control, rescue, or shame so that I will quit harming myself and others around me through destructive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
8. I can come to accept that it is my responsibility with the help of my Father in Heaven to discover what I need to do to heal and recover.
9. I can avoid setting expectations about the future that negatively influence my emotional and spiritual health.
10. I can establish healthy boundaries to keep myself spiritually, emotionally and physically safe.
11. I can seek guidance from the Lord for myself, trust His will, and follow His plan for me.
12. I can receive the comforting assurance that “The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength” (Ps. 18: 2) and my true source of hope, healing and peace. I need not fear the future.

Developing Divine Dependency

Allowing our lives to become negatively impacted as a result of the behaviors of others is unhealthy and damaging but learning to completely rely upon our Father in Heaven is essential. We learn to say, on my own I can’t, but God and I together can. Divine dependency replaces codependency. We detach from fear, frustration, and hopelessness and attach to God, seeking His strength and grace to guide and comfort our lives. Elder Richard G. Scott taught this form of dependence upon the Lord when we are “completely willing to be taught by the Spirit and committed to apply consistently the lessons learned. . . . Be ‘easy to be entreated’ . . . and you will be amazed at the problems and challenges that will be avoided or dissipated.”

Both prayer and love are needed when addiction is present within the family unit. “The intent of mighty prayer is to accept the Lord as the changer of the human heart. When we are frustrated with a loved one, it is hard to focus on loving instead of criticizing . . . In mighty prayer we can take our frustration to God; then we can take our love to our loved ones. The Father will intervene.”

We always remember to not interfere with God’s plan through codependent behaviors. “Only with God’s way is there a promise that those who are faltering can come back. Suffice it to say that unrighteous dominion, improper criticism, and coercion are not the Lord’s way.  We can bind the Lord with a promise that in doing things His way . . . we will not be tied down in resentment but lifted by the Spirit.”

An unknown author said, “Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there.” Surrendering to God frees us from the worry and fear of what the future may hold and provides the strength to “endure all things”.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell explained, “With enduring comes a willingness, therefore, to ‘press forward’ even when we are bone weary and would much rather pull off to the side of the road.”  His invitation is and always will be to, “look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” (D&C 6:36)

Safeguarding Teens and Children from Pornography

Safeguarding Teens and Children from Pornography from SA Lifeline Foundation on Vimeo.

It's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you.

I was watching an episode of "Body of Proof" (medical examiner, crime, drama type show).  In the episode, there was a very grouchy man who was struggling as he tried to diet.  He was just miserable and was irritable to everyone near him.  Finally, his friend/coworker sat next to him and asked him what was wrong.  The friend said that he had a college professor who had said something that left an impression on him....

"It's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you."

That was a very insightful quote in my opinion.  I googled it and found that there is even a book with that title.  In the show, they were able to discuss feelings and gain insights. 

Many women (and men) eat for reasons other than hunger.  We can eat due to sadness, stress, happiness, nervousness, anxiety, etc.  So the next time I find myself reaching for something to nibble when I am not really hungry, I am going to ask myself what's eating at me.

Time Out for Women - Atonement

Brad Wilcox gave a great talk about the Atonement at Time Out for Women.  Here are my notes and thoughts on his talk.

God has a plan.  When you wonder about your future, look back and see how God has guided you in your life.  He gives you opportunities to grow.  He puts people in our lives that we need at that time.  He knows the big picture.

The miracle of the Atonement is that we can all be transformed.  This is more than just saying we are saved by grace, but rather learning to apply the Atonement in our lives and becoming perfected through Christ.

Brad Wilcox was asked by a "born again" Christian, "Have you been saved by grace?"  His response?  "Have you been CHANGED by grace?"

Ready to Change?

We all have hurts, habits and hang-ups that we need to deal with.  Lots of times it is easier to ignore the problem, but eventually we reach the point where we are ready to change.

I love this saying....

"When the pain of the problem gets worse than the pain of the solution, we'll be ready to change."

If you are puzzled over the meaning of that statement and need an example of what it means, just think how desperately ready to face labor and delivery the ninth month of pregnancy makes most women.
(from "He Did Deliver Me from Bondage" by Colleen Harrison)

I highly recommend Colleen Harrison's book.  Under the title on the cover of her book it says "using the Book of Mormon and the Principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ as They Correlate with the 12-Step Program to Overcome Compulsive/Addictive Behavior and Other Problems."

So for those of you dealing with problems, addictions, habits and hurts, I wish you luck in finding your personal solution.  While there are many individual solutions to problems, they all come from the same source - Our Savior, Jesus Christ and His Atonement.

Talk - Agency

We had wonderful talks in our Sacrament Meeting this past Sunday and I asked my friend, Thomas, for a copy of his talk to share on my blog. Enjoy!

Agency(direct comments or questions to: thwicke@gmail.com)

Introduction
Social Scientists should probably not be allowed to have children. To us children are a readily available source of subjects and the material for perpetual experiments:
-FHE Lesson: put ice cream on two tables, tie children together (Thomas explained that when his kids were younger, he was trying to teach them a lesson on cooperation. He placed a bowl of ice cream on two tables. He put the kids between the two tables, and he tied a rope around each of their waists so that they would, in theory, need to cooperate to move to either table. He told the kids that if they could reach both bowls of ice cream, they could each eat a bowl, but if they only reached one bowl, no one could have ice cream. Needless to say, the social experiment was a complete flop... the younger son ended up with the rope around his neck... the older daughter was in pain from the weight of her brother tightening the rope on her waist as she dragged him. Thomas' wife was laughing hysterically... Everyone at church was laughing as they heard the tale and my kids are still talking about the story).

Tricky Drug Stuff

I went to a class called "Not My Kid" last night and it was about drug prevention. Here are two things that I was disturbed to see.....


1) A fake highlighter that is actually a casing for a pipe (so that you can smoke pot or whatever other drug of choice). These are available on-line or at specialty smoke shops. Most parents or teachers would assume that a highlighter would be okay to find in your kids backpack or room. But highlighters are not really safe anymore.
2) Fake water bottle that houses drugs inside. To the average person it looks like a normal, full water bottle. The top section is filled with water as is the bottom section. But the top section pulls out to reveal a hidden chamber for hiding drugs. People sneak drugs into school, concerts, sporting events, etc. with these tricky bottles. Also easily available to kids and they cost around $20.00.

Do you see what we are up against? The conspiring men of the world are getting sneakier by the minute.

I will post later with my notes (and statistics) from the event.

Pornography Addiction - LDS Wife's Perspective

This is a letter that was distributed in my old stake in California. I'm posting it to help anyone who may be in a similar situation to this sister's. I am posting her entire letter (even though it is long) because I don't think it should be edited. It has adult content so it is not for children to read.


To the Sisters in the Stake,



I am writing to you as my sisters in this Stake. I wanted to share my experience with the hopes that it may help one of you who may face a similar situation. Let me start by saying I NEVER thought this would happen to me. I thought that this was the kind of thing that happened to other people and that I was immune to facing a trial like this. I was completely wrong. It can happen in any home.



The subject that I am addressing is one that most people are uncomfortable to discuss. It is pornography addiction (also called sexual addiction). Pornography addiction takes many forms – viewing pornographic magazines, viewing pornographic movies, looking at porn on the internet, chatting on-line, having inappropriate phone conversations and much more. There are many forms of pornography, but the path of destruction is all the same. This addiction leads to the destruction of souls, the destruction of marriages, the destruction of families. This pathway leads to adultery in some form as the addiction runs its course. I believe that this is one of Satan’s biggest tools and he is using this tool to destroy individuals and families.



My family has been under attack and we are fighting back.The process was a gradual one. For many years, I didn’t know my husband had a problem. It started with masturbation and then pornography was added in as time went on. He struggled on his own and I was completely oblivious. I don’t know if this was because I was just clueless or if it was because I didn’t see the truth because I didn’t want to see it. For years I had a slightly “off” feeling in my marriage. My marriage was generally happy with no obvious problems. We looked like an ideal couple to the outside world. Every once in a while I would just feel slightly uncomfortable. This carried on for many years. Then, I started feeling like there was a wall growing between my husband and me. It was nothing huge, just a lack of complete closeness. We’d talk and he’d say all the right things, so I talked myself in to thinking there wasn’t really a problem.



Then I started feeling like I couldn’t trust him completely. I didn’t trust that he would make good decisions. There were little clues to me that he wasn’t feeling the spirit and I felt like he wasn’t completely sincere when we’d pray together or have Family Night. His prayers just rang hollow to me even though he was saying the right things. I knew something was wrong, I just didn’t know what the problem was or how big it was. Then, as his problem began to totally take over, I noticed a bad feeling in our home and in my life. I was never completely happy and felt unsettled. I felt very lonely even though I had lots of friends. I also felt like my husband treated me like more of an object than a person. I felt like sex was something I owed him rather than something to share. It began to be much less appealing to me as he treated me more and more like an object. He would be angry and resentful if I said “no” so I said “yes” even when I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. I even reached the point where I wondered if something was wrong with me because I felt so uncomfortable.



My husband was very sneaky about his addiction. He didn’t want to risk losing me or his family by being caught. There was no history for me to find on our computer because he used the computer at work or when I was out of town or asleep and he deleted the history. He also made calls from work or from his cell phone so that I wouldn’t pick up on anything. I reached the point of such discomfort in my own home that I began to pray to Heavenly Father to know the truth. I prayed that He would let me know what was wrong in my home and what to do about it. He answered my prayers in a sure and certain way. I promise you that He will answer any of His children’s prayers when they seek to know the truth. Through this experience I have a sure knowledge that my Heavenly Father listens to each of our prayers. He knows each of our needs and all we need to do is ask Him for help and He will jump right in and help.



I confronted my husband and he didn’t tell me the truth. I knew the truth in my heart already and I told him that when he was prepared to tell me that I was prepared to hear the truth. A few days later he shared his struggles with me and pleaded for help. He was willing to work with our awesome bishop and do whatever it took to become clean again. He hated the double life he had been leading for so long and was relieved to have it out in the open. I felt like he now felt relief but that he had placed a huge burden onto me.



At first I said I just wanted to die because it hurt so badly. It felt like my worst nightmare had come true. I felt betrayed, angry and worried, but quickly I felt deeper peace with me and I knew that I would be okay. I knew my husband was in a dark place, but he wanted to improve so I was willing to help him. At times I felt hurt, overwhelmed and angry, but I knew in the eternal perspective that he was a child of God and that he was the father of my kids so I wanted to try my best to make things work. I figured maybe I could love him again someday after my heart healed. Since he was willing to repent, I was willing to hang in there with him and at least give him one chance.



We went to the Bishop’s office hand in hand. The bishop was kind and compassionate and told us that we could all work through this together. He did not act shocked, embarrassed, disappointed or mad, but rather he was full of love and desire to help us. The church leaders are prepared and willing to help because they know that this is a problem that is destroying families in and out of the church.



The Bishop also recommended additional tools such as an LDS therapist and the 12 Step program through LDS Family Services. Plus we had a small circle of friends and family who we confided in and who gave us support. We began to communicate better and share our struggles with each other rather than hiding our concerns. We began to work as a team. I came to realize what the real battle was about. This wasn’t my husband trying to destroy my life and hurt me. This battle was about Satan trying to destroy our eternal family.



Satan wants us to feel alone. He doesn’t want us to resolve these problems. He wants the person involved in sin to feel like they are all alone and unworthy. He wants the sin to be shrouded in secrecy. He wants us to be carnal not spiritual. Satan wants us to feel hopeless and sad and angry. But Heavenly Father and our Savior want us to be happy and they are stronger than the adversary.



There is a path to recovery. You can be happy even after facing a challenge of this magnitude. Today I can honestly say I am happier than ever. We have had bumps along the path of recovery and everything hasn’t been perfect or easy, but we have sorted our way through things as a team. The Plan of Salvation is clearer to me. The scriptures are more treasured. My prayers are more sincere and heartfelt. Our home feels pure and happy. I never thought I could be happy again, but I guess I didn’t really understand the Atonement. I am beginning to now. I also know that my husband and I can’t let our guard down spiritually for a minute or Satan will wedge his way back in to our lives.



If you think something may be wrong in your home or marriage, please don’t turn a blind eye. Talk to your husband. Be honest with your concerns. Tell him that if he has a problem now or ever does that you are willing to talk to him and work with him and that you won’t just leave. If you are struggling in this area, talk to your husband. Talk to the bishop. It is not a subject that should be avoided because it is embarrassing to discuss. Remember, we are all in this battle and Satan is a mean and sneaky adversary.Pornography is a problem that is plaguing our society. I, for one, want to stop Satan from destroying families. Since this has happened, we have found out that others in our circle of family and friends have struggled as well. A few of them have now set their lives right as well. It is a problem in society and it is a problem in this Church.



No one is safe from this. Don’t assume that this can’t happen to you. I believe that Satan works even harder on those with the most potential. I beg you to please be aware of this problem and don’t assume that “all is well.” We all need to fill our lives with the right things to protect ourselves – sincere prayer, scripture study, going to church, Family Night, temple attendance, etc. It sounds like the same old advice, but trust me, it works. Don’t be complacent spiritually because it is not worth the price you may pay.



Remember that you are never alone and even in your darkest moments, there is still hope for a brighter tomorrow and that this is all due to a loving Father and His son Jesus Christ. Things can be okay again.



Love, A Sister in the Stake

Addiction Recovery Program

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has a great program for addiction recovery. Many times people are embarassed to admit that they have a problem or that someone in their family is struggling with an addiction. We all struggle with things. It is a universal fact that we all fall short and that we all are in need of our Savior. I would recommend that if you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, that you look on the church website for some tools.

The Church has a great workbook called "A Guide to Addiction Recovery & Healing." In many areas the church also has "Addiction Recovery Support Groups" which are based on the 12 step program created for Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a great program and can truly help with recovery. They have lists of meetings on the website.

There is always hope. Think of Alma the Younger and how he was able to change.

Here is the link: http://www.providentliving.org/content/list/0,11664,6629-1,00.html
(another way to get to this page is through www.lds.org , then click on "home & family", then "provident living", then "social and emotional strength" then on "addiction recovery program").

Here are some types of addictions that are listed on the church website:
Alcohol
Drugs (both prescription and illegal)
Tobacco
Coffee and tea
Pornography
Inappropriate sexual behavior
Gambling
Codependency
Disorders associated with eating

I would also add to this list.... anger, pride, gossiping, negative thinking, compulsive behaviors, or any behavior that draws you away from the Savior. I would highly recommend this program. I have worked through the program and attended meetings and my testimony of the Savior has been strengthened greatly. I've come to realize that I need to work on every behavior and habit that I have that doesn't bring me closer to Jesus Christ. You don't have to consider yourself an "addict" to have things you need to work on. We are here on earth to learn and grow and progress. Overcoming challenges is a big part of this process.

I would also recommend the book "He Did Deliver Me From Bondage" by Colleen Harrison. This was the book that was used in the church-run Addiction Recovery Program meetings before the church created their own workbook. Colleen's book is from one person's perspective and it was very helpful to me. The church's book was a collaborative effort (Colleen was one of many people who helped on that book). So that book is less personal, but equally effective. I like both books.

If you have personal questions, you can email me at pamthemom@gmail.com and I would be happy to email or talk with you. ~Pam

Eating Disorders

Here is some information about eating disorders. 10 million women suffer from an eating disorder and 1 million men and these numbers are growing at an alarming weight. There is hope, but it won't go away on its own. If you or a family member has an eating disorder I encourage you to seek help.

Taken from the article "Eating Disorders: A Deadly State of Mind" by Janet Thomas

Do You Have an Eating Disorder?
If you agree with two or more of these statements, you may have a strong tendency toward eating disorders. Get help now!
1. I try to be thinner than all my friends.
2. I panic if I gain two pounds.
3. I use laxatives for weight control.
4. I go for long periods without eating much as a way to lose weight.
5. My friends tell me I am thin, but I don’t believe them because I feel fat.
6. I like to eat alone. I make excuses so I don’t have to eat with my family.
7. I sometimes eat huge amounts of food and then make myself vomit.
8. I enjoy making treats for others as long as I don’t have to eat any.
9. The thing I fear most is becoming fat.
10. I get upset if I can’t exercise as much as planned.
11. My family makes me angry when they keep pushing food at me.
12. I tend to be a perfectionist.

Red Flags of Anorexia or Bulimia
—Preoccupied with physical appearance.
—Skips meals or tries to avoid meals.
—Disappears after a meal and heads to the bathroom.
—Sensitive to criticism.
—Likes to cook for others, but won’t eat with them.
—Exercises excessively.
—Takes lots of laxatives or diet pills.
—Thinks there is a magical diet that will change everything.

For more information:
http://providentliving.org/content/display/0,11666,6276-1-3238-1,00.html

For complete article:
http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/NewEra/1993.htm/new%20era%20february%201993.htm/eating%20disorders%20a%20deadly%20state%20of%20mind.htm

The Eating Disorder Foundation:
http://www.icaneat.com/