The Three C’s of Al-anon explain that the family members didn’t cause the addiction, can’t control it and can’t cure it. The following information provides guidance for what we can do, which is more significant than what we cannot do.
1. I come to understand that I didn’t cause the addiction.
2. I come to realize that I can’t control my loved one or their addictive behaviors.
3. I come to accept that I can’t cure the addiction. However . . .
4. I can become aware of the challenges of addiction and the recovery process involved (length of time, slips, relapses, how the brain heals, etc.).(See Appendix 7: “Recovery, Slips and Relapses)
5. I can come to recognize that the recovery process of those in addiction is their choice and responsibility.
6. I can choose to avoid continually focusing on my loved one’s recovery journey because this focus can hinder my own healing journey.
7. I can learn to let go of my negative emotions and efforts to control, rescue, or shame so that I will quit harming myself and others around me through destructive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
8. I can come to accept that it is my responsibility with the help of my Father in Heaven to discover what I need to do to heal and recover.
9. I can avoid setting expectations about the future that negatively influence my emotional and spiritual health.
10. I can establish healthy boundaries to keep myself spiritually, emotionally and physically safe.
11. I can seek guidance from the Lord for myself, trust His will, and follow His plan for me.
12. I can receive the comforting assurance that “The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength” (Ps. 18: 2) and my true source of hope, healing and peace. I need not fear the future.
Showing posts with label codependency. Show all posts
Showing posts with label codependency. Show all posts
Monday, March 19, 2012
Letting Go...
To “let go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To “let go” is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.
To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.
To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.
To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To “let go” is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.
To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.
To “let go” is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish myself in it.
To “let go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To “let go” is to not regret the past, but to grow and to live for the future.
To “let go” is to fear less and to love more.
(Author Unknown)
To “let go” is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.
To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.
To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.
To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To “let go” is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.
To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.
To “let go” is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish myself in it.
To “let go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To “let go” is to not regret the past, but to grow and to live for the future.
To “let go” is to fear less and to love more.
(Author Unknown)
Friday, March 16, 2012
Developing Divine Dependency
Allowing our lives to become negatively impacted as a result of the behaviors of others is unhealthy and damaging but learning to completely rely upon our Father in Heaven is essential. We learn to say, on my own I can’t, but God and I together can. Divine dependency replaces codependency. We detach from fear, frustration, and hopelessness and attach to God, seeking His strength and grace to guide and comfort our lives. Elder Richard G. Scott taught this form of dependence upon the Lord when we are “completely willing to be taught by the Spirit and committed to apply consistently the lessons learned. . . . Be ‘easy to be entreated’ . . . and you will be amazed at the problems and challenges that will be avoided or dissipated.”
Both prayer and love are needed when addiction is present within the family unit. “The intent of mighty prayer is to accept the Lord as the changer of the human heart. When we are frustrated with a loved one, it is hard to focus on loving instead of criticizing . . . In mighty prayer we can take our frustration to God; then we can take our love to our loved ones. The Father will intervene.”
We always remember to not interfere with God’s plan through codependent behaviors. “Only with God’s way is there a promise that those who are faltering can come back. Suffice it to say that unrighteous dominion, improper criticism, and coercion are not the Lord’s way. We can bind the Lord with a promise that in doing things His way . . . we will not be tied down in resentment but lifted by the Spirit.”
An unknown author said, “Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there.” Surrendering to God frees us from the worry and fear of what the future may hold and provides the strength to “endure all things”.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell explained, “With enduring comes a willingness, therefore, to ‘press forward’ even when we are bone weary and would much rather pull off to the side of the road.” His invitation is and always will be to, “look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” (D&C 6:36)
Both prayer and love are needed when addiction is present within the family unit. “The intent of mighty prayer is to accept the Lord as the changer of the human heart. When we are frustrated with a loved one, it is hard to focus on loving instead of criticizing . . . In mighty prayer we can take our frustration to God; then we can take our love to our loved ones. The Father will intervene.”
We always remember to not interfere with God’s plan through codependent behaviors. “Only with God’s way is there a promise that those who are faltering can come back. Suffice it to say that unrighteous dominion, improper criticism, and coercion are not the Lord’s way. We can bind the Lord with a promise that in doing things His way . . . we will not be tied down in resentment but lifted by the Spirit.”
An unknown author said, “Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there.” Surrendering to God frees us from the worry and fear of what the future may hold and provides the strength to “endure all things”.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell explained, “With enduring comes a willingness, therefore, to ‘press forward’ even when we are bone weary and would much rather pull off to the side of the road.” His invitation is and always will be to, “look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” (D&C 6:36)
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