Book Review - At the Pulpit, 185 Years of Discourses by Latter-day Saint Women

At the Pulpit is a refreshing collection of women’s voices from the history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  The book contains 54 speeches given by women from 1831 to current day and is an impressive collection that shows the strength of women in the church. After reading the words of these eloquent women, I felt empowered and grateful for their examples of courage, compassion, and faithfulness. 

Life can be very full and busy at times.  I worried that I wouldn't be able to find time to read and review this book at first.  But during quiet minutes, I found myself drawn to it to bring me peace. I loved the stories and I felt stronger and more motivated after reading it.  Sister Jacobs had it right in the infographic below.

In the first chapter, I was impressed with the leadership of Lucy Mack Smith (aka “Mother Smith,” mother of Joseph and Hyrum Smith). In 1831, Lucy Mack Smith was part of a group that was planning to travel to Kirtland, Ohio from Fayette, New York. Two prominent males in the group refused to lead the group during the journey and deferred to Mother Smith. She rallied the troops and handled the finances, food, lodging, and spiritual guidance. At one point, the group was stuck in Buffalo, waiting for the ice to break in the harbor. Another party there encouraged Smith and her group to hide their religious identity to avoid prejudice. Smith rejected the advice and instead “boldly proclaimed her Mormon beliefs” to the townspeople.

Eliza R. Snow’s speech to the Salt Lake City 17^th Ward Relief Society really struck a chord with me in regards to how church callings should work.  She said, “Each member of the society should study to know her place, and honor herself by filling it honorably , and all move forward like machinery that is perfect in all its parts. Let no one overstep her mark or in the least crowd against another… And if this principle shall be carried out in every department, the society will move like clockwork.”  Her beautifully chosen words and appropriate similes describe how callings should be handled not only in just olden days but now as well. Each person is to learn and magnify her calling and not hinder others from fulfilling their responsibilities by enabling them or doing things that are outside their realm of stewardship.

The 5 Love Languages

Feeling loved is a primary emotional need for all humans.  There are countless poems, letters, stories, books, and songs written about love.

Here's one song that kept running through my mind as I contemplated writing this post -
Everybody.  The chorus repeats, "Everybody, everybody wants to love, everybody, everybody wants to be loved."  So, so true.

In Dr. Gary Chapman's book, "The 5 Love Languages," it says, "Child psychologists affirm that every child has certain basic emotional needs that must be met if he is to be emotionally stable. Among those emotional needs, none is more basic that the need for love and affection, the need to sense that he or she belongs and is wanted.  With an adequate supply of affection, the child will likely develop into a responsible adult.  Without that love, he or she will be emotionally and socially challenged." (You can listen to this book on YouTube).

Dr. Chapman shares a wonderful metaphor to illustrate the importance of feeling loved.  He heard this metaphor from Dr. Ross Campbell who is a psychiatrist who specialized in the treatment of children and adolescents.

The 5 Love Languages of Children

Click HERE to read my original post about The 5 Love Languages.

The 5 Love Languages aren't just for couples - They apply to everyone you interact with.  As a mom of three boys, I found this information very helpful in my parenting since I spend so much of my life focusing on my children (and my spouse).  We all know that each child is unique and that they each need different things from us.  After learning about the Love Languages, I feel that my parenting skills have improved.  (Too bad I didn't read it 19 years ago!)

Here are descriptions of The 5 Love Languages in regards to children:

General Conference Idea - Word Treat Jars

My cute nephew.

My friend posted this fun idea on Facebook and I asked her if I could share it.  I love it!  She has candy in each of these jars with word cards attached to the front of each jar.  Every time a speaker at General Conference says one of these words, the listener gets a candy.  Brilliant!  I've added pictures of friends' and family's application of this idea as well.

I am running out to the store to buy some candy tonight so we can do this in our family. I have teenagers so I will add in some other jars with key words that I'd like them to listen for.  Way to make things fun.

We also take notes using a form that I created a few years ago.  Click HERE to see the form.

By the way, this idea could be altered for other educational purposes. For instance, if your child is learning sight words or certain vocabulary words, you could make jars like this for when they are reading a book.  If someone is concerned about loading their kids up on sugar, they could put healthier snacks in the jars like pretzels, nuts, dried fruit, low-sugar cereal, carrots, etc. (although candy or cash would work much better on my kiddos LOL).

It Is What It Is...

In June 2011, I received a phone call that you never want to get.  As I was busy finishing the frantic "last minute before company arrives" cleaning of my house, the phone rang and it was my mom.  She said, "We've been in a horrible accident."  They were driving across the desert to come and visit us and my mom had fallen asleep at the wheel while my dad was already napping in the passenger seat.  She said they both seemed to be okay but that the emergency vehicles were coming.

My heart sank and I sent my husband off on the 2+ hour drive to get them.  I was so shaken that I feared I would cause another accident so I stayed home with the kids, planning to meet the at the hospital.

The car had been on cruise control and my sleepy mom drove from the slow lane across the lanes of traffic and sped right into the median area.  Luckily the median was wide and they didn't cross into oncoming traffic.  They rolled their car and landed upside down in the middle of the freeway.  My dad was able get out of his seatbelt and crawl out through the trunk which had been blown open.  My mom was hanging there, upside down, until a good samaritan came and helped pry the door open with tools.

I met them at the hospital, insisting that they get medical care.  They went through all sorts of tests and x-rays and were told how lucky they were to be alive and relatively unharmed.  While we were waiting for hours and hours at the hospital, the discussion kept turning to questions such as "Why did this have to happen?", "What could we have done to prevent it?"  There were complaints from my tired parents about the long and slow hospital process.  They were upset that I had to be up all night at the hospital with them and that we were all losing sleep.

Finally I said, "IT IS WHAT IT IS."  There was no use second-guessing what we could have done differently.  There was no use complaining that the care we were getting was not quick enough at the busy hospital.  There was no use worrying about what tomorrow would bring.  We were all in the situation we were in and we just needed to deal with it the best we could in the best way we knew how.

Talk - Our Own Personal 9/11 Experiences - "Face the Future with Faith"

When I realized that we’d be speaking on 9/11, at first I felt a little worried. But upon reflection, I saw how perfectly it related to our assigned topic.

I still remember that fateful Tuesday, September 11, 2001 when we first learned about the terrorist attacks. We lived in Northern California and our oldest child, Zach, was in kindergarten. Our alarm clock went off, in radio mode, and as I half consciously went to hit snooze, I heard something about a plane hitting the WTC. I jolted up in bed and turned on the TV. I called my parents and said, “Turn on the news.” My dad asked me what channel and I replied, “Any channel.” My heart sank even further as we learned more and more details about the tragedy and saw the second plane hit. At the time, Thane commuted to work in San Francisco on the BART public transit system, but he stayed home that day because we were afraid the bustling city of San Francisco could be a terrorist target too. When we took Zach to school, all us kindergarten parents stood around and talked about the horror of this event. We were all scared of what might come next. We were in mourning for all those who were suffering, dying, or losing loved ones. We were bound by a collective grief and fear. But I remember the unity I felt with my family, friends, neighbors, and fellow Americans.

As I was preparing for this talk, a realization came to me. Every one of us have “9/11 experiences” in our own lives. Some of us may have health challenges. Some deal with wayward children. Others deal with divorce, death, unemployment, addictions. The point is, we all have challenges.

When dealing with these personal 9/11 experiences, there is a difference from the day the world stood still for all of us together as we faced a common tragedy. In our personal 9/11 moments, we may feel very alone in our fear and sadness, we may feel embarrassed, abandoned, downtrodden, worried, and scared.

The Chore Monster

We have a chore monster at our house.  It haunts me and taunts me.  I have decided to conquer it!

I've tried elaborate systems in the past.  I've tried allowances.  I've tried paying by the task.  I've tried bribery.  I've tried blackmail.  I've tried guilt.

None of these techniques have worked.

So I decided to simplify.

I will only conquer the tasks that drive me nuts....

dishwasher emptying, vacuuming, mopping, bathrooms, dusting, windows and shutters.

Sure, they'll get other chores thrown at them at random times depending on my mood and how busy I am (like pick up the dog poop, help with yardwork, wash the cars, etc.) but they won't be assigned and required.

So here's my two simple charts to go on the fridge.  They will be attached with magnets.

First one is for emptying the dishwasher.  This will rotate clockwise.  Whoever has their name on top gets to empty the dishwasher.  You'll notice my name isn't on there because I end up doing the job when no one else is around and I usually fill the dishwasher mainly because I am seriously awesome at cramming a ton of dishes in there and maximizing space.

 

 My second chart has two pieces.  The green part is attached with a brad to the blue part.  It rotates clockwise.

I'll let you know how it goes.... wish me luck!

By the way, I've given up on making them keep their rooms tidy.  As long as they don't mix the dirty and clean clothes on their floor or have disgusting things in there, they can own their messes.  The only time I go psycho on the room cleaning is when people are coming to stay at our house and the guests have to sleep in the kids' rooms.  Then they have to do an awesome and thorough job.  In the meantime, I just shut their doors.  My youngest keep his room clean because he doesn't want to be embarrassed when his friends come over to play Legos in his room.  There are just some battles I don't want to fight.

Teaching kids how to set the table

I've used this little memorization technique with my own kids (and on myself).  It works great!

Thought of the Day - Stirring up Anger

Satan damages and often destroys families within the walls of their own homes. His strategy is to stir up anger between family members. Satan is the “father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another” (3 Ne. 11:29; emphasis added.

A cunning part of his strategy is to dissociate anger from agency, making us believe that we are victims of an emotion that we cannot control. We hear, “I lost my temper.” Losing one’s temper is an interesting choice of words that has become a widely used idiom. To “lose something” implies “not meaning to,” “accidental,” “involuntary,” “not responsible”—careless perhaps but “not responsible.”

“He made me mad.” This is another phrase we hear, also implying lack of control or agency. This is a myth that must be debunked. No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose!

To those who say, “But I can’t help myself,” author William Wilbanks responds: “Nonsense.”   “Aggression, … suppressing the anger, talking about it, screaming and yelling,” are all learned strategies in dealing with anger. “We choose the one that has proved effective for us in the past. Ever notice how seldom we lose control when frustrated by our boss, but how often we do when annoyed by friends or family?” (“The New Obscenity,” Reader’s Digest, Dec. 1988, 24; emphasis added).

 

Lynn G. Robbins, “Agency and Anger,” Ensign, May 1998, 80

The Magical History Tour

I took my parents and kids on The Magical History Tour this summer.  I had the desire to do some family history and wanted my kids (and me) to know the stories of my parents' lives and also to see important places in their life history.  My parents were in a terrible roll-over car accident last summer so I feel like I am on bonus time having them around.  I want to take advantage of every moment with them.

My parents' car after the accident.  They were on the way to visit me, driving across the hot desert.  It was a miracle they came out of this relatively fine.  No major injuries and several good Samaritans to help them.

I put the cheesy sign at the top of this post on each side of my mini-van.  True, we got a lot of funny looks from people as we drove around Orange County and Los Angeles County. 

My parents knew we were going to do a family history tour but I decided to be playful and call it The Magical History Tour (a pun from The Beatles, The Magical Mystery Tour).  My sons and I played THIS SONG early in the morning to introduce the theme of the day and sung to it (I'm sure my teenagers loved it). 

We had snacks or little gifts at every stop.  For instance, at the temple where my folks were married, we got Ring Pops.  At my dad's childhood home we had oranges and raisins, his favorite childhood after-school snack.  You get the idea.

They were great sports and we had a wonderful 13 hour day driving all over southern California where they grew up and still live.  We visited their childhood homes, where they were married, relatives graves, old church buildings we attended, colleges, elementary schools, old hangouts, etc.  We took pictures, did video recording and my parents spoke into a digital recorder about their memories.  It was a day we'll never forget.  PRICELESS!

My dad at one of his childhood homes.  My grandpa was a builder and designed and built this house.

UCLA - One of the colleges my mom attended.

The church building that our family attended when I was young.

My mom's childhood home.

My Aunt Nancy's headstone.  She drowned in the family pool as a toddler.  Very tragic story.

Of course I had to make a themed poster representing our day.  I put this on the goodie bags and also printed and framed a copy for my parents.

I would highly recommend having a Magical History Tour of your own.  Worth all the preparation and time for sure!

Pillow Talk - Questions to Ask your Kids at Night

1. What do you like to dream about?
2. What is your best memory this school year?
3. Who is your hero? Why?
4. How would you describe your family?
5. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?
6. What are you most proud of yourself for?
7. Who is the kindest person you know? Why?
8. What do you like most about your best friend?
9. What is one thing you would like to learn to do well?
10. If you were an animal what one would you be and why?
11. When is the last time someome hurt your feelings? How did you react?
12. Do you know someone who is going though a hard time? How can you help them?
13. What is the scariest thing that happened this year?
14. If you could keep only one thing, out of everything you have, what would it be?
15. Who do you think is really successful? Why?
16. What’s the best thing about your teacher this year?
17. When do you feel misunderstood by grown-ups?
18. What three words best describe you?
19. What’s something that makes you angry?
20. What’s the best compliment you ever received

Literacy Tips

I stumbled across this great blog that has helps for literacy.  Click HERE to visit the blog directly.

This chart shows the benefits of "oral retelling" and I am going to use it with my kids this summer.

This is a great story map that children can use when reading works of fiction.

Thought of the Day - Allow Consequences

“…we may teach them that they can choose their actions but not the consequences of those actions. We can also gently help them understand what the consequences of their actions may be in their own lives.

Sometimes when our teachings aren’t heeded and when our expectations are not met, we need to remind ourselves to leave the door to our hearts open.

 

In the parable of the prodigal son, we find a powerful lesson for families and especially parents. After the younger son “came to himself,” he decided to go home.

 

Elder Robert D. Hales

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles  Ensign, May 2004

Safeguarding Teens and Children from Pornography

Safeguarding Teens and Children from Pornography from SA Lifeline Foundation on Vimeo.

Unhappy Consequences of Dialing 912

In the midst of our Super Bowl party yesterday, I received a phone call from the police department.  They asked me if I had dialed 911 and if I had an emergency.  Of course I hadn't called the police, but I had a sneaking suspicion that one of the dozen neighbor kids playing in our backyard had goofed around and dialed it on our outdoor phone.

I went outside and hollered, "Who dialed 911!?"  In unison all the boys said my youngest son's name.  I brought him into the house to discuss it.  His defense?  "I dialed 912!" which made all the adults burst out laughing.  We thought he must be trying to cover his tracks and stay out of trouble.

Potty Training Video

Click HERE for an awesome video to help with potty training.

I sang this song to my kids when they were potty training and we laughed and laughed.  So enjoy!

Time Out for Women - Holiness in Motherhood

Linda Eyre and her daughter, Shawni Eyre Potheir, shared some fabulous insights about motherhood.

They talked about moms and dads getting together (without kids) each month to evaluate the how the kids are doing physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.  I love that idea and plan on implementing it.

They also gave the following things for mothers to remember as they embark on the journey of having holiness in motherhood:
1) Remember who your children really are
2) Remember who you really are (take an alone day to re-evaluate yourself on occasion; involve yourself with other women; don't be COMICALLY OVER-COMMITTED! - yep that last part was for me!)
3) Remember who the Savior really is (let the Savior be involved in your day, invite Him to come with you)

Ask yourself these questions:
How can I invite the Savior to be part of my life?
How can I have more faith through my tribulations?

"When I Grow Up, I Want to Be a Mother..."

They sang this song at Time Out for Women and a flood of memories came into my mind.

I remember this great song from when I was a little girl.  On road trips, my little brothers and I would lay in the back of the station wagon (yep, I'm that old) and listen to the tape, "Songs for a Mormon Child."  I looked forward to the day that I could have my own children and give them cookies and milk and yellow balloons. I think that song, along with the example of my mom and other great women in my life, inspired me to develop a "Mother Heart."  I love my children more than life itself and I try to teach them, give them opportunities to grow and to develop their testimonies and talents.  My "Mother Heart" extends beyond my own immediate family - to my nieces and nephews, the students at school, Cub Scouts, Primary children, neighbors, friends, etc.  I think the world would be a wonderful place if we could strive to develop our "Mother Hearts" and care and love a little more.

Understanding Pornography and Sexual Addiction

Click HERE to visit a website that is a great resource for LDS parents and leaders in the fight against pornography and sexual addiction.  You can download a copy of the book for free.  

From the website:  "In Light of the prevalence of pornography addiction, a group of professionals, therapists, and concerned individuals have created this manual.  Its purpose is to provide ready access to important information concerning pornography so that parents and leaders can be prepared to address the topic effectively, as directed by the spirit."

http://www.understandingpornography.com/

Talk - Gratitude is the Currency of the Gospel

This talk was given by my friend at church recently. Thanks for sharing it Ethan!

I grew up in Whittier, CA and was raised by a single mom. My mother was a very hard worker and did everything she could to provide for my older sister and I. She is a very loving woman and she is also very proud and independent. Although she was able to provide for all of our needs, some of our wants had to be forgone as we rarely had the finances for luxuries. I remember in Jr. High School that the fashion trend at the time were these brightly colored patch-work board shorts that were worn by the popular skaters and surfers of the era. Unfortunately for me these shorts were very expensive and due to the fact that ordinary shorts could be purchased for a third of the cost, my mother told me that we just couldn’t afford them.

That’s why I was surprised on my 13th birthday, to open up a present and find a beautiful pair of board shorts inside. I had never seen any that were so cool. Being a 13 year old, I quickly looked at the label to see what brand they were (since branding is very important at that age). I was again confused to find that there were no labels in the shorts. My mom could read the puzzlement in my eyes and went on to explain that she had made them for me from scraps of material she purchased from a fabric store. To save on the cost of the pattern, she had disassembled one of my other pairs of shorts to use as a pattern. Afterwards, she then reassembled the shorts so that I could continue wearing those as well. I was so grateful to her for making me those shorts and immediately put them on and went out on my skateboard to show them off to my friends. I think I wore them 3 days straight before I could bear to take them off for cleaning.