Parable - The Wolf You Feed

The Wolf You Feed

An elder Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith."

"This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too", he added.

The Grandchildren thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied... "The one you feed."

Thought of the Day - Clean out the Closet in your Mind

It is possible to live with all your power in the present. You can replace old doubts with new hopes. So clean out that closet in your mind and haul a load of needless negative baggage off to D.I.

You can begin by practicing just three simple exercises in right thinking: (1) Remember that any failure is only temporary in the gospel of Jesus Christ. The decision to carry on in spite of disappointment turns the worst circumstance into success. (2) There can be no self-pity--and that means no self-pity. Nothing dissipates our strength faster or more quickly drives away those who would truly wish to help us than self-pity. (3) Eliminate all "would haves," "could haves," "should haves," and " if onlys." What has happened is past and finished. Leave it there. Profound power will come in living and making things right in the present. 

Be Renewed in the Spirit of your Mind PATRICIA T. HOLLAND Brigham Young University on 6 September 1988

(For those who don't what D.I. stands for... it means Deseret Industries which is a place where you donate things you don't need anymore and someone else can buy it.  Like a thrift store.)

Thought of the Day - Enduring Chastening

“In addition to stimulating our repentance, the very experience of enduring chastening can refine us and prepare us for greater spiritual privileges. Said the Lord, “My people must be tried in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the glory that I have for them, even the glory of Zion; and he that will not bear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom” (D&C 136:31). In another place He said, “For all those who will not endure chastening, but deny me, cannot be sanctified” (D&C 101:5; see also Hebrews 12:10). As Elder Paul V. Johnson said this morning, we should take care not to resent the very things that help us put on the divine nature.”

 

D. Todd Christofferson Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Ensign, May, 2011

Didn't Cause It, Can't Control It, Can't Cure It

The Three C’s of Al-anon explain that the family members didn’t cause the addiction, can’t control it and can’t cure it. The following information provides guidance for what we can do, which is more significant than what we cannot do.

1. I come to understand that I didn’t cause the addiction.
2. I come to realize that I can’t control my loved one or their addictive behaviors.
3. I come to accept that I can’t cure the addiction. However . . .
4. I can become aware of the challenges of addiction and the recovery process involved (length of time, slips, relapses, how the brain heals, etc.).(See Appendix 7: “Recovery, Slips and Relapses)
5. I can come to recognize that the recovery process of those in addiction is their choice and responsibility.
6. I can choose to avoid continually focusing on my loved one’s recovery journey because this focus can hinder my own healing journey.
7. I can learn to let go of my negative emotions and efforts to control, rescue, or shame so that I will quit harming myself and others around me through destructive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
8. I can come to accept that it is my responsibility with the help of my Father in Heaven to discover what I need to do to heal and recover.
9. I can avoid setting expectations about the future that negatively influence my emotional and spiritual health.
10. I can establish healthy boundaries to keep myself spiritually, emotionally and physically safe.
11. I can seek guidance from the Lord for myself, trust His will, and follow His plan for me.
12. I can receive the comforting assurance that “The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength” (Ps. 18: 2) and my true source of hope, healing and peace. I need not fear the future.

Letting Go...

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To “let go” is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.
To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.
To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.
To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To “let go” is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.
To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.
To “let go” is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish myself in it.
To “let go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To “let go” is to not regret the past, but to grow and to live for the future.
To “let go” is to fear less and to love more.
(Author Unknown)

Thought of the Day - God will Guide our Steps

In many of the uncertainties and challenges we encounter in our lives, God requires us to do our best, to act and not be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:26), and to trust in Him. We may not see angels, hear heavenly voices, or receive overwhelming spiritual impressions. We frequently may press forward hoping and praying—but without absolute assurance—that we are acting in accordance with God’s will. But as we honor our covenants and keep the commandments, as we strive ever more consistently to do good and to become better, we can walk with the confidence that God will guide our steps. And we can speak with the assurance that God will inspire our utterances. This is in part the meaning of the scripture that declares, “Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God” (D&C 121:45).

As you appropriately seek for and apply unto the spirit of revelation, I promise you will “walk in the light of the Lord” (Isaiah 2:5; 2 Nephi 12:5). Sometimes the spirit of revelation will operate immediately and intensely, other times subtly and gradually, and often so delicately you may not even consciously recognize it. But regardless of the pattern whereby this blessing is received, the light it provides will illuminate and enlarge your soul, enlighten your understanding (see Alma 5:7; 32:28), and direct and protect you and your family.

 

David A. Bednar Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Ensign, May, 2011

Thought of the Day - Make This Day a Happy One

I will keep always in mind that today is my sole concern, and that I will make it as good a day as I can.  This one small span of time is mine, and I will use it to do the things that need doing, and have a little time over for enjoyment and reflection.  

 

Living one day at a time, and consciously dividing my time into useful and satisfying activities, can give me the variety that is said to be the spice of life. This has the added benefit of keeping my mind off my problems which often proves the easiest and most logical way to solve them!

 

“I will make this day a happy one, for I alone can determine what kind of a day it will be. Let not my thought fantasies (vain imaginations) lead me into anticipating trouble, since I cannot know what the future may bring.”

Developing Divine Dependency

Allowing our lives to become negatively impacted as a result of the behaviors of others is unhealthy and damaging but learning to completely rely upon our Father in Heaven is essential. We learn to say, on my own I can’t, but God and I together can. Divine dependency replaces codependency. We detach from fear, frustration, and hopelessness and attach to God, seeking His strength and grace to guide and comfort our lives. Elder Richard G. Scott taught this form of dependence upon the Lord when we are “completely willing to be taught by the Spirit and committed to apply consistently the lessons learned. . . . Be ‘easy to be entreated’ . . . and you will be amazed at the problems and challenges that will be avoided or dissipated.”

Both prayer and love are needed when addiction is present within the family unit. “The intent of mighty prayer is to accept the Lord as the changer of the human heart. When we are frustrated with a loved one, it is hard to focus on loving instead of criticizing . . . In mighty prayer we can take our frustration to God; then we can take our love to our loved ones. The Father will intervene.”

We always remember to not interfere with God’s plan through codependent behaviors. “Only with God’s way is there a promise that those who are faltering can come back. Suffice it to say that unrighteous dominion, improper criticism, and coercion are not the Lord’s way.  We can bind the Lord with a promise that in doing things His way . . . we will not be tied down in resentment but lifted by the Spirit.”

An unknown author said, “Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there.” Surrendering to God frees us from the worry and fear of what the future may hold and provides the strength to “endure all things”.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell explained, “With enduring comes a willingness, therefore, to ‘press forward’ even when we are bone weary and would much rather pull off to the side of the road.”  His invitation is and always will be to, “look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” (D&C 6:36)

Thought of the Day - Refinement

Behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.  1 Nephi 20:10

 

Followers of Christ in all dispensations are no strangers to sorrow.  They know pain and are well acquainted with affliction.  The crucible of life gives us opportunities to become better or bitter, refined or rebellious, submissive or stiff-necked.  The tempered steel of faith is forged in the flames of suffering.  Ease does not call forth greatness or strength of commitment.  When the fires of sickness, failure, disappointment, and even tragedy engulf us, if we are spiritually prepared, God’s peace can carry us through safely.  That doesn’t mean we try to ignore the heartache or deny the reality of the pain.  Rather, we take an authentic look at it, enlarging our perspective by believing that some good can come from crucible experiences.  When they come—as they surely will—we can rise above them by setting our hearts on everlasting things.  Isaiah promised, “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles: (Isaiah 40:31)

Thought of the Day - Allow Consequences

“…we may teach them that they can choose their actions but not the consequences of those actions. We can also gently help them understand what the consequences of their actions may be in their own lives.

Sometimes when our teachings aren’t heeded and when our expectations are not met, we need to remind ourselves to leave the door to our hearts open.

 

In the parable of the prodigal son, we find a powerful lesson for families and especially parents. After the younger son “came to himself,” he decided to go home.

 

Elder Robert D. Hales

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles  Ensign, May 2004

Thought of the Day - Yield our Will to God

President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve described his decision to yield his will to God and the freedom that decision gave him: “Perhaps the greatest discovery of my life, without question the greatest commitment, came when finally I had the Confidence in God that I would loan or yield my agency to him—without compulsion or pressure, without any duress, as a single individual alone, by myself, not counterfeiting, nothing expected other than the privilege.  In a sense, speaking figuratively, to take one’s agency, that precious gift which the scriptures make plain is essential to life itself, and say, ‘I will do as you direct,’ is afterward to learn that in so doing you possess it all the more”. (Obedience, Brigham Young University Speeches)

 

You may not be able to change some things in your life, but you can change your willingness to trust in God and obey Him.  As you learn to trust Him, you will see that His plan is for you to follow what Alma called the “great plan of happiness, (Alma 42:8). You will learn that even in affliction and difficulty ALL things work together for good to them that love God and keep His commandments. You can accept with serenity the current reality of your condition when you TRUST in God’s ability to help you. If you trust God, you must also trust his TIMING.

 

Thought of the Day - Nobody's Perfect

“I AM NOBODY
NOBODY IS PERFECT
THEREFORE, I AM PERFECT”

Thought of the Day - Pray for Guidance

In the Addiction Recovery Program we are often reminded that what we pray for may not be what is best for us.  We are able to see only a little way, and our vision is clouded by our present situation and daily happenings and distractions. 

 

If the problems I have to face seem beyond my endurance, I will not explain them to God; He already knows.  I will not tell Him what I expect Him to do about my difficulties; He knows what is best for me.

 

When I am faced with something which is beyond my power to perform, to decide, or to cope with, I will not struggle with it by myself.  I will ask Him to show me what steps to take.  This is prayer; not to ASK FOR anything but GUIDANCE.

 

“All true prayer somehow confesses our absolute dependence on God; it is a vital contact with Him.  It is when we pray truly that we really are.  From our prayers we receive light to apply….to our own problems and difficulties.”   (Thomas Merton:  No Man is an island)

Thought of the Day - Forgiveness is a liberating gift we can give ourselves

“All of us suffer some injuries from experiences that seem to have no rhyme or reason. We cannot understand or explain them. We may never know why some things happen in this life. The reason for some of our suffering is known only to the Lord. But because it happens, it must be endured. President Howard W. Hunter said that “God knows what we do not know and sees what we do not see.” 

President Brigham Young offered this profound insight that at least some of our suffering has a purpose when he said: “Every calamity that can come upon mortal beings will be suffered to come upon the few, to prepare them to enjoy the presence of the Lord. … Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation.”

 

If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being. Some recent studies show that people who are taught to forgive become “less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed,” which leads to greater physical well-being. Another of these studies concludes “that forgiveness … is a liberating gift [that] people can give to themselves.”

 

President James E. Faust

Second Counselor in the First Presidency

Ensign, May, 2007 Click HERE to read talk

Safeguarding Teens and Children from Pornography

Safeguarding Teens and Children from Pornography from SA Lifeline Foundation on Vimeo.

Quote - Cease and Desist

“There is something in us, at least in too many of us, that particularly fails to forgive and forget earlier mistakes in life—either mistakes we ourselves have made or the mistakes of others. That is not good. It is not Christian. It stands in terrible opposition to the grandeur and majesty of the Atonement of Christ. To be tied to earlier mistakes—our own or other people’s—is the worst kind of wallowing in the past from which we are called to cease and desist.”

- Jeffrey R. Holland, BYU Devotional, January 13, 2009

 

Remember—“Do not judge past behavior with present knowledge.”

Quote - Make Peace with your Past

MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST

SO
IT WON’T MESS UP YOUR FUTURE

Don’t judge past behavior by present knowledge

Understanding Pornography and Sexual Addiction

Click HERE to visit a website that is a great resource for LDS parents and leaders in the fight against pornography and sexual addiction.  You can download a copy of the book for free.  

From the website:  "In Light of the prevalence of pornography addiction, a group of professionals, therapists, and concerned individuals have created this manual.  Its purpose is to provide ready access to important information concerning pornography so that parents and leaders can be prepared to address the topic effectively, as directed by the spirit."

http://www.understandingpornography.com/

One Day at a Time

I've been thinking a lot about living one day at a time.  It is so easy to dwell on the past or obsess about the future, neither of which is healthy.

When we dwell on the past, we harm ourselves because it can destroy our hope.  Elder Neal A. Maxwell encouraged us to hold on to hope by "not looking back, and refusing to let yesterday hold tomorrow hostage." 

Think about Lot's wife in the Bible - she was told not to look back when they were fleeing from Sodom.  She did look back and was turned into a pillar of salt.  In furthering this analogy, salt is not a living substance.  It cannot change or grow.  I don't want to be like Lot's wife.  If I look at the past and dwell on regrets, I will be like the salt, unchangeable, stagnant and not thriving, albeit spiritually in my case.

Ready to Change?

We all have hurts, habits and hang-ups that we need to deal with.  Lots of times it is easier to ignore the problem, but eventually we reach the point where we are ready to change.

I love this saying....

"When the pain of the problem gets worse than the pain of the solution, we'll be ready to change."

If you are puzzled over the meaning of that statement and need an example of what it means, just think how desperately ready to face labor and delivery the ninth month of pregnancy makes most women.
(from "He Did Deliver Me from Bondage" by Colleen Harrison)

I highly recommend Colleen Harrison's book.  Under the title on the cover of her book it says "using the Book of Mormon and the Principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ as They Correlate with the 12-Step Program to Overcome Compulsive/Addictive Behavior and Other Problems."

So for those of you dealing with problems, addictions, habits and hurts, I wish you luck in finding your personal solution.  While there are many individual solutions to problems, they all come from the same source - Our Savior, Jesus Christ and His Atonement.