The Atonement - Lesson Idea

My friend Melissa gave a wonderful lesson in Relief Society last Sunday.  To prepare, she read through all of the General Conference talks from April 2016.  As she studied the talks, she pulled out various quotes and concepts about the Atonement.  We discussed each theme and quote as she asked questions in class and we had an awesome, heartfelt discussion.  We all desperately need the Atonement so I appreciated that she chose to give a lesson on it.

Because of the Atonement, there will be no unfairness

I can emphatically state that because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, ultimately, in the eternal scheme of things, there will be no unfairness. “All that is unfair about life can be made right”. Our present circumstances may not change, but through God’s compassion, kindness, and love, we will all receive more that we deserve, more than we can ever earn, and more than we can ever hope for.

Dale G. Renlund, April Conference 2016

How can knowing that everything will be made right help us now?

 (That is the essence of faith)

Forgiveness through the Atonement sets us free

There is not a soul alive who will not, at one time or another, be the victim to someone else’s careless actions, hurtful conduct, or even sinful behavior. That is one thing we all have in common. Gratefully, God, in His love and mercy for His children, has prepared a way to help us navigate these sometimes turbulent experiences of life. He has provided an escape for all who fall victim to the misdeeds of others. He has taught us that we can forgive! Even though we may be a victim once, we need not be a victim twice by carrying the burden of hate, bitterness, pain, resentment, or even revenge. We can forgive, and we can be free!

            Kevin R. Duncan, April Conference 2016

What is the connection between being forgiven and offering forgiveness to others?

How does forgiving others free us?

The Atonement brings us peace

Peace of mind, peace of conscience, and peace of heart are not determined by our ability to avoid trials, sorrow, or heartache. Despite our sincere pleas, not every storm will change course, not every infirmity will be healed, and we may not fully understand every doctrine, principle, or practice taught by prophets, seers, and revelators. Nevertheless, we have been promised peace-with a condition attached. Faith in Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice is, and forever will be, the first principle of the gospel and the foundation upon which our hope for “peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come” is built.

            W. Christopher Waddell, April Conference 2016

Would anyone like to share a time when they have felt peace, even through a trial?

The Atonement can help us discern what it right for us

When trust is betrayed, dreams shattered, hearts broken and broken again, when we want justice and need mercy, when our fists clench and our tears flow, when we need to know what to hold onto and what to let go of, we can always remember Him. His infinite compassion can help us find our way, truth, and life.

            Gerrit W. Gong, April Conference 2016

When you think about the burdens that you are carrying, what could it mean when he says “know what to hold onto and what to let go of”? 

Relying on the Atonement can ease our burdens

God rarely infringes on the agency of any of His children by intervening against some for the relief of others. But He does ease the burdens of our afflictions and strengthen us to bear them, as He did with Alma’s people in the land of Helam. He does not prevent all disasters, but He does answer our prayers to turn them aside…He does blunt their effects.

            Dallin H. Oaks, April Conference 2016

What are some strategies for turning our burdens over to the Lord so he can help us bear them?

(Prayer, fasting, finding a support system)

The Atonement gives us strength to keep trying

With the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the strength of heaven to help us, we can improve, and the great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed.

            Jeffrey R. Holland, April Conference 2016

Would anyone like to share a time when you just kept trying, even though you felt like you weren’t succeeding?

Quote - No Matter What Your Past Has Been, Your Future is Spotless

This is one of my all-time favorite quotes. It has provided a lot of hope for me.  I thought it was fitting to put it on my blog at Easter time since Jesus Christ is the reason our future can be spotless.

Thought of the Day - Forgiveness is freeing up our energy

Dr. Sidney Simon, a recognized authority on values realization, has provided an excellent definition of forgiveness as it applies to human relationships:

"Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves."

 

All of us suffer some injuries from experiences that seem to have no rhyme or reason. We cannot understand or explain them. We may never know why some things happen in this life. The reason for some of our suffering is known only to the Lord. But because it happens, it must be endured. President Howard W. Hunter said that "God knows what we do not know and sees what we do not see."

President Brigham Young offered this profound insight that at least some of our suffering has a purpose when he said: "Every calamity that can come upon mortal beings will be suffered to come upon the few, to prepare them to enjoy the presence of the Lord. . . . Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation."

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

President James E. Faust
Second Counselor in the First Presidency

Thought of the Day - Forgiveness is a liberating gift we can give ourselves

“All of us suffer some injuries from experiences that seem to have no rhyme or reason. We cannot understand or explain them. We may never know why some things happen in this life. The reason for some of our suffering is known only to the Lord. But because it happens, it must be endured. President Howard W. Hunter said that “God knows what we do not know and sees what we do not see.” 

President Brigham Young offered this profound insight that at least some of our suffering has a purpose when he said: “Every calamity that can come upon mortal beings will be suffered to come upon the few, to prepare them to enjoy the presence of the Lord. … Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation.”

 

If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being. Some recent studies show that people who are taught to forgive become “less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed,” which leads to greater physical well-being. Another of these studies concludes “that forgiveness … is a liberating gift [that] people can give to themselves.”

 

President James E. Faust

Second Counselor in the First Presidency

Ensign, May, 2007 Click HERE to read talk

Quote - Cease and Desist

“There is something in us, at least in too many of us, that particularly fails to forgive and forget earlier mistakes in life—either mistakes we ourselves have made or the mistakes of others. That is not good. It is not Christian. It stands in terrible opposition to the grandeur and majesty of the Atonement of Christ. To be tied to earlier mistakes—our own or other people’s—is the worst kind of wallowing in the past from which we are called to cease and desist.”

- Jeffrey R. Holland, BYU Devotional, January 13, 2009

 

Remember—“Do not judge past behavior with present knowledge.”

Story - Toothpaste on the Mirror

I read this article in the September 2008 Ensign last night and it really made me think. It caused me to want to be more forgiving and to not worry about little un-eternal things. So next time my husband leaves the kitchen a huge mess after he makes our traditional Saturday morning egg burritos I will strive to keep my mouth quiet and just be grateful he was sweet enough to cook breakfast!

Here is the link to the original story submitted by Bryce R. Peterson:

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=2f9ebf9cd2f0c110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

Small things have a way of growing large when we dwell on them.

I learned some very good lessons from Mom and Dad, but the best one I ever learned was about six months after Dad died.

Toward the end of my parents’ lives, there were times they really didn’t get along very well. Dad was not active in the Church, and Mom was impatient with him. They seemed to wear on each other’s nerves some of the time. The arguments weren’t really serious, but I always felt pressured to take sides, a position I didn’t like.

Small offenses have a way of growing large when we dwell on them. One of Mom’s common complaints was that Dad splashed toothpaste on the mirror when he brushed his teeth and would never clean it off. It drove her crazy, and she couldn’t let it go. I tried to explain that in the grand scheme of life, toothpaste on the mirror wasn’t a very big thing. She wasn’t mollified. I wished they could get along better, that they could overlook small things and not be so critical of each other and be more forgiving, but that didn’t happen very often.

Dad died in the spring of 1991. It was a time of grief, especially for Mom. She realized after he was gone that she missed him more than she had anticipated. It was lonesome living alone in that big house; her partner of 62 years was gone. She started talking about him more frequently.

As the days turned to weeks and then to months, I visited Mom daily. During one visit her eyes turned watery as she told me of a mistake that she regretted. She reminded me of the toothpaste and how adamant she had been that he was slothful in neglecting to clean up his mess. She had been so angry over such a small thing.

Mom admitted that on the first cleaning day after Dad died, there was toothpaste on the mirror. She cleaned the mirror, but on the second cleaning day, there was more toothpaste on the mirror. The same thing happened on the third and fourth cleaning days as well.

Mom realized that she had blamed Dad for the toothpaste on the mirror for many years, but it had been both of them splashing toothpaste. She felt terrible that for years she had been so upset about such a small thing. She freely admitted that her anger had hurt her much worse than it had affected Dad.

I learned from this experience the need for forgiveness and tolerance in our relationships, and I honestly try to be more forgiving in my own. It seems such a waste of time to fret about small offenses. There are more important things to worry about than toothpaste on the mirror.

Blessed are the Pure in Heart

Here is a talk by President Hinckley from the New Era magazine, July 1999. I used this article in a lesson that I taught the Young Women.

Words of the Prophet: Blessed Are the Pure in Heart by President Gordon B. Hinckley

My young friends, “Be not faithless, but believing”—in virtue, in goodness, in decency, in purity, in that which the Lord has declared He would have for His children, virtue. It is old-fashioned. It may appear out-of-date. It does not square up with a lot of thinking and teaching, but it is true.
There is nothing lovelier, there is nothing sweeter, there is nothing finer, there is nothing more ennobling, there is nothing more beautiful in all the world than virtue in young men and women. God has designed that it should be so. “Be not faithless, but believing.” And in the light of that belief, and in the light of that faith, practice discipline (from Brigham Young University Speeches, Jan. 3, 1962, 5).

Blessed are the pure in heart

Youth is the seedtime for the future flowering of family life. To hope for peace and love and gladness out of promiscuity is to hope for that which will never come. To wish for freedom out of immorality is to wish for something that cannot be. Said the Savior, “Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin” (John 8:34).

Is there a valid case for virtue? It is the only way to freedom from regret. The peace of conscience which flows therefrom is the only personal peace that is not counterfeit.
And beyond all of this is the unfailing promise of God to those who walk in virtue. Declared Jesus of Nazareth, speaking on the mountain, “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God” (Matt. 5:8). That is a covenant, made by Him who has the power to fulfill (from Conference Report, Oct. 1970, 66).

Lure of immorality

I am going to speak plainly. We hear much these days of teenage sexual misbehavior. There is too much of it among our own youth.

Those who indulge in illegitimate sexual activity, as we define that in the doctrines and standards of this Church—and I think no one misunderstands what I mean when I say that—do irreparable damage to themselves and rob the one with whom they are involved of that which can never be restored. There is nothing clever about this kind of so-called conquest. It carries with it no laurels, no victories, no enduring satisfaction. It brings only shame, sorrow, and regret. Those who so indulge cheat themselves and rob another. In so doing, they affront their Father in Heaven, for they are children of God.

I know that this is strong language, plainly spoken. But I feel the trends of our times call for strong language and plain words (from Ensign, Nov. 1983, 45).

Let virtue be your cornerstone

In April of 1942, the First Presidency of the Church issued a message that has the tone of scripture. I commend it to you:

“To the youth of the Church … above all we plead with you to live clean, for the unclean life leads only to suffering, misery, and woe physically—and spiritually it is the path to destruction. How glorious and near to the angels is youth that is clean; this youth has joy unspeakable here and eternal happiness hereafter” (Improvement Era, 45:273).

You of marvelous promise, you young men and women of great ability, do not mock God. Do not flout his law. Let virtue be a cornerstone on which to build your lives (from Conference Report, Oct. 1964, 116).

Pornography

I would just like to say a word about pornography. It is a growing, vile, and evil thing. It is on our motion picture screens, it comes into the homes of the people on television receivers, it is on newsstands, it reaches out in other ways to entrap and beguile and destroy those who are enticed to partake of it. I am satisfied, my brethren and sisters, that no Latter-day Saint can with impunity afford to witness or read or partake of this growing evil in any way. God help us and bless us with the self-discipline to resist and abstain and flee from, if necessary, this pernicious and growing thing which would destroy us (from Ensign, Nov. 1982, 76).

Control thoughts to control actions

Mental control must be stronger than physical appetites or desires of the flesh. As thoughts are brought into complete harmony with revealed truth, actions will then become appropriate.
The timeless proverb is as true now as when it was first spoken: “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Prov. 23:7).

Each of us, with discipline and effort, has the capacity to control his thoughts and his actions. This is part of the process of developing spiritual, physical, and emotional maturity (from Ensign, May 1987, 48).

Repentance and forgiveness

If there be any here who have so sinned, there is repentance and there is forgiveness, provided there is “godly sorrow” (2 Cor. 7:10). All is not lost. Each of you has a bishop, who has been ordained and set apart under the authority of the holy priesthood and who, in the exercise of his office, is entitled to the inspiration of the Lord. He is a man of experience, he is a man of understanding, he is a man who carries in his heart a love for the youth of his ward. He is a servant of God who understands his obligation of confidentiality and who will help you with your problem. Do not be afraid to talk with him (from Ensign, Nov. 1983, 45).

Prove your strength

For your own sakes, for your happiness now and in all the years to come, and for the happiness of the generations who come after you, avoid sexual transgression as you would a plague.
Prove your strength, show your independence, by saying no when enticement from peers comes your way. Your own strength will add strength to those who are weak. Your own example will give determination to others (from Ensign, May 1987, 48).

Stay on the Lord’s side

Of course you are to socialize, to date, to have fun of a wholesome kind in a hundred ways. But there is a line which you must not cross. It is the line that separates personal cleanliness from sin. I need not get clinical in telling you where that line is. You know. You have been told again and again. You have a conscience within you. Stay on the Lord’s side of the line (from Ensign, May 1996, 48).

Talk - Forgiveness & Not Judging Others

This talk was given by Tadiana Jones in Alpine, Utah in 2007.

Talk on Forgiveness/Not Judging

A newspaper columnist, Sidney J. Harris, once said: “I am the man in the middle; for the middle is, by my definition, where I stand. … I am a ‘friendly’ sort of person; anyone more friendly than I is ‘familiar’; anyone less friendly than I is ‘aloof.’ I am an ‘open’ person; anyone more open than I is ‘brutally frank’; anyone less open than I is ‘devious.’ … I am a ‘determined’ person; anyone more determined than I is ‘pig-headed’; anyone less determined than I is ‘indecisive.’ … I am a ‘realistic’ person; anyone more realistic than I is ‘cynical’; anyone less realistic than I is ‘naive.’

Although we are the same in so many ways, we are all different as well. And sometimes those differences lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, even offenses and prejudices. We each have a need to forgive. We each have a need to be forgiven.

It’s interesting that the request to give this talk on the subject of forgiveness and not judging others too harshly came just 2 days after the first meeting of our Relief Society book club. We had chosen the book “Left to Tell”, which I was totally unfamiliar with. It’s the story of a woman named Immaculee Ilibagiza who lived in Rwanda during the 1994 genocide of Tutsi people by the Hutu people.
- It was a mini-Holocaust – in only 90 days, between ½ and 1 million people were killed, often by their neighbors (out of a country of 7 million).
- Immaculee’s parents and 2 of her 3 brothers were brutally murdered (the 3rd was out of the country)
- She spent those 3 months hidden in a 3x4 foot bathroom by a sympathetic priest. 5 additional women were in there with her. They could not talk but communicated in sign language. They could be fed only scraps. She lost 50 pounds in 90 days, going from 115 to 65 pounds.

But in all this, her faith sustained her, and in the end she found herself able to forgive. [story from pp. 203-04]

This book reminded me very much of another book, “The Hiding Place”. Stan and I have a favorite quote he has used a couple of times on his quote sheet for SS:

It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower room in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there-- the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie's pain-blanched face. He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing, "How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein," he said. "To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!" His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side. Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them, Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him. I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness. As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on his. When he tells us to love our enemies, he gives, along with the command, the love itself.

The thing that impresses me so much about this quote is how Christ helps us do what we could not do alone. We don’t have to overcome our angers, our resentments, and in fact any other sins or shortcomings by ourselves. He is there to help if we will call on him.

President Brigham Young once compared being offended to a poisonous snakebite. He said that “there are two courses of action to follow when one is bitten by a rattlesnake. One may, in anger, fear, or vengefulness, pursue the creature and kill it. Or he may make full haste to get the venom out of his system.” He said, “If we pursue the latter course we will likely survive, but if we attempt to follow the former, we may not be around long enough to finish it.”

At one time or another, we all receive and even give these spiritual snakebites. Sometimes these snakebites are truly venomous, like the ones received by Immaculee, Corrie ten Boom, and more recently in the Amish tragedy, and the drunk driver in Utah who killed most of a family. The father was able to forgive.

Sometimes the snakebites are not so poisonous, but still painful: insults and ridicule (esp. children and teenagers!), criticism, feeling alone and lonely…

Whether the spiritual snakebite is from a king cobra or a garter snake, we need to put aside anger, vengeance and grudges and allow forgiveness and peace in our hearts instead.

D&C 64:8-11 Carrying anger and grudges against others makes us smaller people. Our wounds have a hard time healing when we keep pouring the snake venom of resentment in them, instead of Christ’s healing balm of forgiveness. But if we can find forgiveness in our hearts, as Elder Faust said, for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being. He went on to note that some recent studies show that people who are taught to forgive become "less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed," which leads to greater physical well-being. Another of these studies concludes "that forgiveness . . . is a liberating gift [that] people can give to themselves."

Dr. Sidney Simon:
Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.

May be all be more careful not to cause spiritual snakebites to our husbands and wives, our children, our parents, our friends and neighbors, and others. And when we do receive such snakebites – which will happen more than we like, simply because it is part of our lives as imperfect humans here on this earth – may we overcome resentment and anger and reach out in forgiveness, so that we ourselves may be forgiven of our own shortcomings. We will become better people and better friends, not just with those around us but also with our Savior. He will help us if we seek his help, and give us the strength to do what we cannot do alone.

Talk - Be Not Offended

Talk on “Be not offended – Forgiveness of Others”

My talk today is based on a talk by Elder David A. Bednar from the most recent General Conference. It is entitled “And Nothing Shall Offend Them.”

Story about Elder Bednar visiting Less-Actives

Elder Bednar shared that one of his favorite activities as a priesthood leader is visiting members of the Church in their homes, especially talking with members who commonly are described as “less active.” Often he would work with bishops to prayerfully select people to go out and visit together.

On their visits they were quite straightforward. At some point early in the conversation Elder Bednar would often ask a question like this: “Will you please help us understand why you are not actively participating in the blessings and programs of the Church?”

They made hundreds and hundreds of such visits. Each individual, each family, each home, and each answer was different. Over the years, however, a common theme was detected in many of the answers. Frequently responses like these were given:

“Several years ago a man said something in Sunday School that offended me, and I have not been back since.”

“No one in this branch greeted or reached out to me. I felt like an outsider. I was hurt by the unfriendliness of this branch.”

“I did not agree with the counsel the bishop gave me. I will not step foot in that building again as long as he is serving in that position.”

Many other causes of offense were cited—from doctrinal differences among adults to taunting, teasing, and excluding by youth. But the recurring theme was: “I was offended by …”

Most of these less-active members had a testimony of the truthfulness of the restored gospel. However, they were not presently participating in Church activities and meetings.


Then Elder Bednar would say something like this. “Let me make sure I understand what has happened to you. Because someone at church offended you, you have not been blessed by the ordinance of the sacrament. You have withdrawn yourself from the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. Because someone at church offended you, you have cut yourself off from priesthood ordinances and the holy temple. You have discontinued your opportunity to serve others and to learn and grow. And you are leaving barriers that will impede the spiritual progress of your children, your children’s children, and the generations that will follow.” Many times people would think for a moment and then respond: “I have never thought about it that way.”

The bishop and Elder Bednar would then extend an invitation: “Dear friend, we are here today to counsel you that the time to stop being offended is now. Not only do we need you, but you need the blessings of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. Please come back—now.”

Choose Not to Be Offended

When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly people in the church sometimes do say or do things that would allow us to take offense.

The idea that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. We must choose to be offended or not to be offended. Heavenly Father gave each of us agency which gives us the power to act and choose how we will respond to hurtful or offensive situations.

Personal Story: Sometimes it is hard to do. I had an experience years ago where a lady in my ward publicly humiliated me by yelling at me at a church event regarding the behavior of one of my children. It took me by surprise and I maintained my dignity, but after a few minutes my blood started to boil and I was so angry with her that I never wanted to speak with her again which wasn’t possible of course. I continued to dwell on the encounter and how she was so wrong to have behaved that way toward me. I avoided being around her. She on the other hand didn’t even seem to remember the event. Finally, I realized that it was my issue and that it was only hurting my soul to be dwelling the event. I began to pray to have my heart softened. After a while the answer came to me that I needed to do some service with her. So I called the RS President and asked her if she could assign me and my offender to an Enrichment Night Dinner Committee together. By serving together the walls were torn down and I felt that I could get over being offended. I remember this situation and have promised myself to never damage my own soul again by allowing myself to be offended.

Forgiveness required to protect our own souls

President Joseph F. Smith said “It is extremely hurtful for any man holding the gift of the Holy Ghost to harbor a spirit of envy or malice, or retaliations or intolerance toward or against his fellow man. We ought to say in our hearts, ‘Let God judge between me and thee, but for me, I will forgive.’”

A story that reminds me of the importance of forgiving quickly is this one:

A woman was patiently waiting in the mall parking lot for a parking spot with her blinker on. Someone else drove up at the last minute and stole her parking spot and then proceeded to obliviously and happily go on with their shopping. The wronged party continued to stew and fume and damage herself by holding on to the anger for the rest of the day. I made the decision that I do not want to be the person who holds on to anger and who damages herself.

The Chinese philosopher Confucius said, “To be wronged or robbed is nothing unless you continue to remember it.”

Losing the parking spot was not a big deal, but the damage from dwelling on the offense was the big deal in this story. Most of us will have situations that will be far more challenging than just losing a parking spot, but the same principles apply.

The Savior is the greatest example of how we should respond to potentially offensive events or situations.

“And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men” (1 Ne. 19:9).

Through the strengthening power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, each of us can triumph over offense.

“Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them” (Ps. 119:165).

A Latter-Day Learning Laboratory

Paul taught the Saints in Ephesus that the Savior established His Church “for the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:
Please note the use of the active word perfecting.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “the Church is not “a well-provisioned rest home for the already perfected.” Rather, the Church is a learning laboratory and a workshop in which we gain experience as we practice on each other in the ongoing process of “perfecting the Saints.”

We are here to learn and grow together. A visiting teacher learns her duty as she serves and loves her Relief Society sisters. An inexperienced teacher learns to be a more effective teacher by teaching.. And a new bishop learns how to be a bishop through inspiration and by working with ward members who sustain him, even when they realize that he is human and can make mistakes too.

Here’s a newsflash - In some way and at some time, someone in this Church will do or say something that could be considered offensive. This will happen to each and every one of us—and probably more than once. Most people may not intend to injure or offend us, but they nonetheless can be inconsiderate and tactless. In fact, chances are that we will unwillingly offend someone at some point too. And I can only hope that when I make that mistake, the person will choose not to be offended and will overlook my weakness or thoughtlessness.

We cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. Remember that you and I can choose not to be offended.

Story about Patient Pahoran

A good example of this is found in the Book of Mormon in the book of Alma. During a perilous period of war, an exchange of letters occurred between Moroni, the captain of the Nephite armies, and Pahoran, the chief judge and governor of the land. Moroni, whose army was suffering because of inadequate support from the government, wrote to Pahoran “by the way of condemnation” (Alma 60:2) and harshly accused him of thoughtlessness, slothfulness, and neglect. Pahoran might easily have resented Moroni and his message, but he chose not to take offense. Pahoran responded compassionately and described a rebellion against the government about which Moroni was not aware. And then he responded, “Behold, I say unto you, Moroni, that I do not joy in your great afflictions, yea, it grieves my soul. … And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart” (Alma 61:2, 9).

One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended—and to say with Pahoran, “it mattereth not.”

Story about my miscarriage

Before we had our boys, I was pregnant and had a miscarriage. I had not announced my pregnancy yet, so no one knew that I had the miscarriage. That Sunday at church a man in the ward came up to me and said “So when are you going to have a baby?” I told him I’d just had a miscarriage. The timing was very poor for this question, but I chose not to be offended. Rather, I thought, he must like Thane and I so much he’d like more members of our family in the ward or that maybe he just wanted us to experience the joys of parenthood. This man ended up being one of our treasured friends. I was grateful I chose to not take offense.

Story about Dishwasher and Change of Perspective

I was loading the dishwasher a while back and dropped a little child’s sippy cup insert from the top tray. I went to look for it on the bottom shelf and could not see it. I looked and looked and could not find it. I decided to try looking at it from another angle, took a step around to the other side and saw it immediately. This reminded me of forgiveness. Oftentimes when we are involved in a disagreement, have contention with someone, or take offense we only look at the situation from our perspective. If we can just take a step and imagine how the other person might perceive the situation and where they are at in their life, then that will be a good step toward resolving things and restoring harmony. When we strive to have charity, it is almost impossible to be unforgiving. I only wish I could have the perspective the Lord has.

Two Invitations

Elder Bednar issued two invitations to us in his talk.

Invitation #1
I invite you to learn about and apply the Savior’s teachings about interactions and episodes that can be construed as offensive.

“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. …

“For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

“And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?

“Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matt. 5:43–44, 46–48).

Interestingly, we are instructed to “be ye therefore perfect” immediately after we are given counsel about how we should act in response to wrongdoing and offense.

We will all have tough situations that challenge us in this area.

If a person says or does something that we consider offensive, our first obligation is to refuse to take offense. If we need to we can then communicate privately, honestly, and directly with that individual. By taking this approach we will be able to keep the Holy Ghost with us and resolve things.

Invitation #2

Many of the individuals and families who most need to hear this message about choosing not to be offended are probably not participating with us in conference today. I am sure each of us knows someone who is staying away from church because they have chosen to take offense—and who would be blessed by coming back.

Will you please prayerfully identify a person with whom you will visit and extend the invitation to once again worship with us?

Closing

I bear my testimony that each of us, through the strengthening power of the Atonement, is capable of refusing to take offense. I am grateful for my Savior who was the perfect example to us in this situation and in every situation. I challenge you to take the invitation of our church leaders and 1) refuse to take offense when the situations arise and 2) Seek to help someone who has been offended to come back and receive the blessings of the gospel.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Talk - Forgiveness

Forgiveness Talk –

I was asked to talk about Forgiveness today. I decided that there were 3 aspects that I would like to concentrate on –
1) Seeking forgiveness for our mistakes and sins
2) Forgiving ourselves
3) Forgiving others

Seeking forgiveness for our mistakes
Something we all share is our need to repent and be forgiven on a very regular basis. Each of us has come to earth to receive a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize our divine nature and destiny. We all make mistakes and have weaknesses and trials and adversity. That is why we are here – to learn and grow from these experiences.

I want to share two of my favorite scriptures:

Mosiah 3:19 – “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

2 Nephi 9:39 – “O, my beloved brethren, remember the awfulness in transgressing against that Holy God, and also the awfulness of yielding to the enticings of that cunning one. Remember, to be carnally-minded is death, and to be spiritually-minded is life eternal.”

As I have pondered these scriptures, I realize that left to my own devices, I am a natural man, with carnal nature. Carnal is defined in the dictionary as “earthly or temporal.” This means that each of us should be actively trying to put off the natural man and our desire to seek after earthly things, and instead be willing and desirous to become like a little child and concentrate on our spiritual growth. In my mind, sometimes I feel like in the eternal realm I am like a stubborn teenager by nature distracted by things of the world and I have to make a real effort to be humble and submissive like a little child and to concentrate on what matters most (no offense to the great teens here!).

When I think of Nephi, I imagine a man who was strong and righteous. It is hard to imagine that he ever struggled in his own soul. But in 2 Nephi 4 he exclaims “O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily best me.” Even Nephi struggles with being a “natural man.” This is a great example to me. Temptations will always abound, but with the Lord as our teammate, we can learn to resist them.

Nephi begs, “O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?” Nephi was pleading for a change of heart. This can only be accomplished by allowing the Lord to change us It is important that we are willing to have our hearts softened and that we recognize that we do not have the power to resist temptations on our own. If we could do it on our own, we would have no need for a Savior.

Many of us have probably seen the picture of “Christ Knocking at the Door.” This picture was painted by Holman Hunt who was trying to make an image of the following scripture in the Book of Revelation (chapter 3 verse 20)
“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”

The artist was showing the picture to a friend and the friend noted that there was one thing wrong with the picture – the door on which Jesus knocks has no handle. Mr. Hunt responded, “That is not a mistake. You see, this is the door to the human heart. It can only be opened from the inside.” This is so true! Jesus may stand and knock, but each of us decides whether to open. The Lord will not force us to take action. He knows exactly what we need and is just waiting for us to ask Him for guidance and help. He doesn’t want to interfere with our own agency though. We must each take our own initiative and have the desire to repent and take steps toward receiving forgiveness and to try to live the commandments.

President Benson once said “God changes men from the inside out.” We need to be willing to have a change of heart and to correct things in our lives that are contrary to the Lord’s way. We need to humbly ask for His guidance all the time.

I read the following quote in the book “The Miracle of Forgiveness.”
“A fellow who is planning to reform is one step behind. He ought to quit planning and get on with the job. Today is the day.”

Often people may feel that they have fallen so far that there is no hope for them.

A wise bishop once said – “Satan is the sneakiest opponent you’ll ever face and he doesn’t play fair!” He wants us to feel hopeless and bad about ourselves. The Lord doesn’t expect us to be perfect in a day. He wants us to have hope throughout the whole repentance process slow as it may be.

“Men do not suddenly become righteous any more than a tiny acorn suddenly becomes an oak.”

I love this analogy that I received from one of the Priesthood leaders. When you are trying to repent and make adjustments in your life, it is like flying an airplane. The most important factor is the direction your airplane’s nose is tilted, upward or downward. As long as you are tilted upward, you are on the right path. Don’t be so worried about being perfect that you try to change your direction from a downward path to going straight up in the air. You will eventually crash the plane. Just concentrate on keeping the airplane headed the right direction and you will continue to progress and improve your life.

True repentance isn’t just turning away from sin. It involves turning to God. I imagine it like this. As we repent we get rid of the sins we are holding inside that were taking up space. When the sins and bad habits are removed, there is an empty space left. It is important to fill that empty space up with spiritual things like prayer, scripture study, good books, activity in the church, uplifting friendships, etc. so that the sins don’t sneak back in.

President Benson said “If you will put God first in your life, everything else will either fall into its proper place or drop out of your life entirely.” He also said “Our love of the Lord must govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.”

There are many great examples in the scriptures of men who have received forgiveness from the Lord. Two of my favorites are Alma and Enos.

Alma the Younger was so rebellious and fought against the Lord. Alma the Younger’s father, Alma prayed for him to come to a knowledge of the truth. Alma was visited by an angel and fell to the earth as if he were dead for three days. During this time he said he “racked with eternal torment for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins.” He continued “Oh, thought I, that I could be banished and become extinct both soul and body, that I might not be brought to stand in the presence of my God, to be judged of my deeds.” I am sure many of us can relate to this feeling. Then Alma remembered that he had heard his dad talk about “one Jesus Christ” who would atone for the sins of the world. Alma’s mind caught hold upon this thought and he cried within his heart “O Jesus, thou Son or God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.” Then the scripture goes on to say “And now, behold, when I thought of this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea my soul was filled with joy as exceeding was my pain!” Alma didn’t become this perfect person instantly, but he had a true change of heart and started down a new path.

Enos is another of my favorites. The whole book of Enos is less than 3 pages, but it is powerful. Enos had been taught about eternal life and the joy of righteousness by his father, but he was rebellious. He writes “I will tell you of the wrestle which I had before God, before I had a remission of my sins.” Enos went to the forests to hunt. His soul hungered which I take to mean that his soul had unrest. He prayed all day and night for his own soul and then a voice came to him saying “Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed.” Then Enos showed his strong testimony of the Atonement by saying “And I, Enos, knew that God could not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away.” Then the Lord tells Enos that his faith had made him whole. I have faith that each of us can also be made whole through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
The Lord also said in Mosiah 26:30 – “Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me.”

These stories show me that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ do indeed keep their promises (like we are learning in Primary this year).

When I was a freshman in college my grandma sent me a letter in which she told me to remember the scripture, “Wickedness never was happiness.” (Alma 41:10). This stuck in my mind as I lived away from home for the first time and was around kids who were making poor choices with their new freedom away from home. I came to realize that repenting of our sins brings happiness and peace and that indulging in wickedness brings grief and turmoil. When I have quiet moments to think and reflect, I know in my soul if my life is what I want it to be or if I need to make changes in areas. When I am weighed down with something I ask the Lord promptly for forgiveness so I can have peace again in my own soul. (Peace Barometer)

Forgiving ourselves
Turn the corner – Once we have had a change of heart and are working the steps of repentance and are willing to let the Lord help us, it is important to look forward, not backward. Sheri Dew gave a great talk when I went to Time Out for Women last month with my mom. She likened having a change of heart to turning a corner. Once we have turned a corner, we need to keep looking forward and walking down the street. If we continue to walk back to the corner and peek around it, dwelling on how we were and the mistakes we’ve made, then we do not progress and move forward. It was a really good image to me and as I reflect on my mistakes each day and repent, I try to remember to truly turn the corner and to realize that the Lord is helping me walk down the right path.

Lots of us hold on to guilt even after we have prayed for forgiveness. What is the purpose of guilt? – Guilt is meant to be a warning signal to us – like the smoke alarm in our home. One quick “beep” of its piercing influence is all Heavenly Father meant us to have to bear. In my opinion, if I continue to harbor guilt it is almost a form of blasphemy. It is as if I would be saying that I do not accept the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Satan is author of unhealthy guilt. He wants you to feel hopeless, alone, unforgiven. The Lord has promised us that we are not alone. We can be forgiven, no matter to what depths we have fallen.

“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow: though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. (Isaiah 1:18)

This applies to everyone! What a burden taken off our backs when we realize we can completely be clean again. Heavenly Father and our Savior want us to feel hopeful and peaceful. The adversary wants us to feel hopeless and impure.


Forgiving others
I must need lots of work in this area because I keep re-learning this lesson over and over again. When I feel I am wronged I get an intense anger inside that I tend to dwell on if left to myself. I am very conscious of this weakness in myself and am constantly asking the Lord to help me in these situations. You cannot feel the spirit and feel angry simultaneously.

A story that reminds me of the importance of forgiving quickly is this one:
A woman was patiently waiting in the mall parking lot for a parking spot with her blinker on. Someone else drove up at the last minute and stole her parking spot and then proceeded to obliviously and happily go on with their shopping. The wronged party continued to stew and fume and damage herself by holding on to the anger for the rest of the day. I made the decision that I do not want to be the person who holds on to anger and who damages herself.

The Chinese philosopher Confucius said, “To be wronged or robbed is nothing unless you continue to remember it.”

Losing the parking spot was not a big deal, but the damage from the continued anger was in this story. Most of us will have situations that will be far more challenging than just losing a parking spot, but the same principles apply.

One common misconception is that in order to forgive someone who has wronged you the offender must first apologize and humble himself before you. But we must forgive the offender regardless of his attitude. President Joseph F. Smith said “It is extremely hurtful for any man holding the gift of the Holy Ghost to harbor a spirit of envy or malice, or retaliations or intolerance toward or against his fellow man. We ought to say in our hearts, ‘Let God judge between me and thee, but for me, I will forgive.’”

I was loading the dishwasher this week and dropped a little child’s sippy cup insert from the top tray. I went to look for it on the bottom shelf and could not see it. I looked and looked and could not find it. I decided to try looking at it from another angle, took a step around to the other side and saw it immediately. This reminded me of forgiveness. Oftentimes when we are involved in a disagreement or have contention with someone, we only look at the situation from our perspective. If we can just take a step and imagine how the other person might perceive the situation, then that will be a good step toward resolving things and restoring harmony. When we strive to have charity and empathy, it is almost impossible to be unforgiving. I only wish I could have the perspective the Lord has.

In closing I want to bear testimony to you that I know each of us can be forgiven of all of our sins. Ours is a gospel of HOPE, not of hopelessness. The Lord understands us and loves us and wants to help us in all the areas of our lives. With the Lord’s help we can also learn to forgive ourselves and forgive others. He has not left us alone and he will help us every step of the way through this process.

Sunday School - Book of Mormon Lesson 20

Book of Mormon Lesson #20: “My Soul Is Pained No More”
Mosiah 25-28, Alma 36

1. Bruce R. McConkie: [Mosiah 26:1-2 – the rising generation did not believe] It is one thing to teach ethical principles, quite another to proclaim the great doctrinal verities, which are the foundation of true Christianity and out of which eternal salvation comes. True it is that salvation is limited to those in whose souls the ethical principles abound, but true it is also that Christian ethics, in the full and saving sense, automatically become a part of the lives of those who first believe Christian doctrines. It is only when gospel ethics are tied to gospel doctrines that they rest on a sure and enduring foundation and gain full operation in the lives of the saints. A New Witness, pp. 699-700.

2. Ezra Taft Benson: Seeking the applause of the world, we like to be honored by the men the world honors. But therein lies real danger, for ofttimes, in order to receive those honors, we must join forces with and follow those same devilish influences and policies which brought some of those men to positions of prominence. … Today we are being plagued within by the flattery of prominent men in the world. General Conference, Oct. 1964.

3. Jeffrey R. Holland: Perhaps no anguish of the human spirit matches the anguish of a mother or father who fears for the soul of a child. … [But] parents can never give up hoping or caring or believing. Surely they can never give up praying. At times prayer may be the only course of action remaining – but it is the most powerful of them all. Ensign, March 1977.

4. Joseph Smith: Repentance is a thing that cannot be trifled with every day. Daily transgression and daily repentance is not that which is pleasing in the sight of God. Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 148.

5. Spencer W. Kimball: He who will not forgive others breaks down the bridge over which he himself must travel. This is a truth taught by the Lord in the parable of the unmerciful servant [Matt. 18] who demanded to be forgiven but was merciless to one who asked forgiveness of him. Miracle of Forgiveness, p. 269.

6. Ed J. Pinegar & Richard J. Allen: The Lord answers the prayers of the people according to their faith. Therefore an angel is sent to convince Alma of the power and authority of God. We can have the blessings of God in our lives as we exercise our faith through prayer. Alma changes after this experience. Laman and Lemuel do not change after their angelic visitations. Agency is supreme – everyone can choose to obey or disobey. Let us realize the angels (messengers of God) can be in the form of mortals as well as from beyond the veil. President Thomas S. Monson has taught us that in our eternal roles and duties within the Church we can be inspired to be an answer to someone’s prayer. He said, “As we love the Lord, as we love our neighbor, we discover that our Heavenly Father will answer the prayers of others through our ministry.” Commentaries and Insights on the Book of Mormon, vol. 1, p. 455.

7. Joseph Fielding McConkie & Robert Millet: Our first scriptural reference to gall, a bitter and poisonous herb, is found in Deuteronomy 29:18, where it is used as a metaphor to describe the spiritual state of those who turn from the God of Israel to embrace idolatry. The phrase Moses used was “gall and wormwood.” Wormwood also was a plant with a bitter taste. The doctrine being taught by Alma’s comment is that to leave righteousness and truth to embrace wickedness and falsehood embitters and poisons the soul toward those covenants that have been abandoned. Thus it is to be expected that those leaving the Church to satiate carnal appetites will not be able to remain neutral toward it but rather will be characterized by a bitter and poisonous spirit. Alma was a classic example of this sequence and here [in Mosiah 27:29] announces that he has been freed from this spirit of bitterness. Doctrinal Commentary on the Book of Mormon, vol. 2, p. 308.

8. D. Parry, D. Peterson, & J. Welch: Apocalyptic imagery is not missing from the Book of Mormon, though it is not nearly as prominent as one would expect if the book had actually been composed in the world of Joseph Smith, because this was the one kind of doctrine that did have popular reception – the apocalyptic destruction. End-of-the-world sects were very common in Joseph Smith’s time …. The Book of Mormon avoids this image. The fire and smoke of hell, and other apocalyptic images, are clearly stated to be types, rather than realities, as is the monster death and hell. … Typical is the phrase of Alma: “I was in the darkest abyss; but now I behold the marvelous light of God” (Mosiah 27:29). Echoes and Evidences of the Book of Mormon, p. 484.

9. Joseph Fielding McConkie & Robert Millet: [Alma 36:9 – “If thou wilt of thyself be destroyed”] This is not a threat on Alma’s mortal life but a solemn warning relative to the eternal welfare of his soul. Doctrinal Commentary on the Book of Mormon, vol. 2, p. 263.

10. Harold B. Lee: Conversion must mean more than just being a “card-carrying” member of the Church with a tithing receipt, a membership card, a temple recommend, etc. It means to overcome the tendencies to criticize and to strive continually to improve inward weaknesses and not merely the outward appearances. Ensign, June 1971.

11. Joseph Fielding McConkie & Robert Millet: True repentance requires that we surrender the memory of the sin, not in the sense that we are without the knowledge that we once transgressed but rather in the sense that we have laid down the burden, that our confidence might now wax strong in the presence of the Lord. … We must retain sufficient memory of the pain to avoid a repetition of the suffering. Still, as we grow in the things of the Spirit, that which is forgiven is to be forgotten. It is not true repentance when we cling to a sensuous memory in whose mental replaying we find delight. Doctrinal Commentary on the Book of Mormon, vol. 3, pp. 265-66.

12. Dennis L. Largey: Although the appearance of the angel led the youths to reverse directions spiritually, Alma observed that his final, true conversion came only after he had “fasted and prayed many days” (Alma 5:46), a clarification of the relationship between miraculous events and genuine conversion. Book of Mormon Reference Companion, p. 37.

13. Joseph Fielding McConkie & Robert Millet: [Alma 36:21 – bitter pains] What, then, of those who accept Jesus as the Christ and allow his infinite and eternal sacrifice to stand in the stead of the suffering just described? Are such excused from all suffering? Contrary to much in the Christian world tradition, the answer is no. True repentance, which centers in faith in Christ and his atoning sacrifice, still requires sufficient suffering on the part of those desiring to repent to make them one in mind and soul with the Savior. The blessings of salvation, though freely given, cannot be wholly undeserved. In all things we must unite our best effort with him who sacrificed all. The testimony of holy writ is that without suffering there is no repentance. Doctrinal Commentary on the Book of Mormon, vol. 3, p. 267.

14. Ezra Taft Benson: [Alma’s conversion] We must be cautious, as we discuss these remarkable examples. Though they are real and powerful, they are the exception more than the rule. For every Paul, for every Enos, and for every King Lamoni, there are hundreds and thousands of people who find the process of repentance much more subtle, much more imperceptible. Day by day they move closer to the Lord, little realizing that they are building a Godlike life. Ensign, October 1989.

15. Joseph Fielding Smith: [Reflecting on his own baptism] The feeling that came upon me was that of pure peace, of love, and of light. I felt in my soul that if I had sinned – and surely I was not without sin – that it had been forgiven me; that I was indeed cleansed from sin; my heart was touched, and I felt that I would not injure the smallest insect beneath my feet. I felt as if I wanted to do good everywhere to everybody and to everything. I felt a newness of life, a newness of desire to do that which was right. There was not one particle of desire for evil left in my soul. Gospel Doctrine, p. 96.

16. Robert L. Millet: The Spirit of God sanctifies – it cleanses and purges filth and dross out of the human soul as though by fire. The Spirit does far more, however, than remove uncleanliness. It also fills. It fills one with a holy element, with a sacred presence that motivates the person to a godly walk and goodly works. … Indeed,, they are freer than free, because they have given themselves up to the Lord and his purposes. They choose to do good, but their choices are motivated by the Spirit of the Lord. Life in Christ, pp. 98-99.

17. L. Tom Perry: After conversion comes the desire to share – not so much out of a sense of duty, even though that responsibility falls on the priesthood, but out of a sincere love and appreciation for that which has been received. When such a “pearl of great price” comes into our lives, we cannot be content just to admire it by ourselves. It must be shared! General Conference, April 1984.


Next week: Mosiah 29, Alma 1-4 “Alma … Did Judge Righteous Judgments”